Body Clutter Chapter 4

This chapter is all about the lies we tell, both to others and to ourselves. How many "reasons" do you have for not getting off the couch? For why you need to order Chinese instead of cooking something nutritious? Believe me, I've used them all, and they are not reasons. They are excuses. Let's look at my biggest two:

"I'm in too much pain to cook." That's a biggie, and borders on legitimate. The pain in my kidneys does restrict me from doing things SOMEtimes. But why can't I pre-cook good meals to freeze on days I'm feeling okay? It isn't any harder to throw a casserole in the oven than it is a pizza.

"I'm too tired to exercise." Whose fault is that but mine? It is LACK of exercise that ultimately exhausts us. We need to move, so that our bodies can more efficiently make energy. A little push now, and I will be in much better condition later. Nothing worth having is easy, especially at first.

What are yours? Are you too busy? Too hungry to wait? Is it too hot/cold to go outside? Those are roadblocks that we construct to keep us from doing what we know is right. I bought my copy of Body Clutter secondhand, and it has some underlining. One of the things that the previous owner highlighted was "...our excuses reveal a lack of character on our part, an ugly dent in our personal integrity." Um, ouch. That really hits too close to home for me.

No questions this chapter, just a request to write down your biggest excuses, which I have started above. Others include "I'm just overwhelmed." "I need a minute" (that never comes). "I have nothing to wear." "I just need a nap first." "I don't have time/a ride/the money to go get my prescription filled." "I don't know where to start."

Well, as far as the last one goes, I'm starting here and now. I'm tackling my bad attitudes, and conquering my fears. I am taking baby-steps towards having a clean kitchen stocked with healthy foods. I am committing to moving my body everyday, and taking care of it with the medicines it needs.

BTW guys, I THRIVE on comments, so please, don't be afraid to leave some. Such as, what are some of your excuses for not living as fully and healthfully as you know you should?

Body Clutter Chapter 2

I am really bad at his whole "consistency" thing, aren't I? It's been a busy couple of days, but I am back.

Chapter 2 is about the lies that the "diet" industry sells us. They want you to believe that there really is a shortcut, and theirs is the path to salvation from obesity. Then, when it fails, they are right there to sell you a new snake oil because *this time* will be different. I cannot tell you how much this affected me, or for how long. And I know it isn't just me. We are bombarded with so many images of people who succeed on these programs, that the only conclusion we are left with is that *we* are the ones to blame, the ones who failed.

This, friends, is BULLSH*T.  The simple truth is that there is no quick fix, no shortcut to health (and really, do I even have to say it? The focus should be on health, NOT weight or size). We are being lied to daily, and we are living the lies as if they are truth. Then why are we failing? Because successful weight loss means we don't need them anymore. A healthier person doesn't need a new miracle diet or pill or surgery. Why would an industry that makes millions off of people with low self-image want to improve that image?

Several questions this chapter. First, what is your image of beautiful? Mine is having a body strong enough to love my hubby, spoil my nieces and nephews and keep my home clean. Caring about myself enough to shower daily (yes, I am depressed and skip days, no, I don't care what you think of that).  Being healthy enough to carry my clean laundry up to the second floor from the basement without being winded. Maintaining my loving nature, and developing some humility and patience. My idea of beauty truly comes from the inside.

Next: what diets and such have you tried and how did you do? I played a lot of soccer as a child, also did some weight training at the YMCA. I did well with both, not really getting thinner, but at least I wasn't getting fatter. As I grew up, I mostly tried exercise, from more weights, to yoga (which I still love to this day), Tai Chi (also awesome) and the Couch to 5K program, which I love, but never stuck with. Diet-wise, I've tried and failed at Slim-Fast (awful, hateful stuff), the Hollywood Fast (made it through about 36 of 48 hours), and Herbalife (made me sick to my stomach). The only diet that ever worked for me was Atkins, which did wonders for my energy levels and waistline. The big problem? Meat is EXPENSIVE. So I never stuck with it.

It then asks you to go back to your teen years to reconstruct your weight timeline. Mine is fairly simple. I was about 180 when I was 15, gained about 100 pounds over the course of the next 3 years, and eventually (I think I was actually 20) I leveled out at my current 310ish. No true trigger situation, just a lifetime of poor eating and no exercise combined with hormones. I also have PCOS, so that contributed.

Finally, health issues. Again, PCOS. Also, pre-diabetic insulin resistance, borderline thyroid issues, severe hypertension and possibly whatever is going on with my kidneys.

I'll try to be back tomorrow for chapter 3. Love you guys (especially whoever is reading me in Russia and Germany! That's insanely cool).

Attempt 2, Day 1: I Need This

Steve and I are both at all time high weights. Mine is sitting at about 323, last I checked. My pants are tight again. So I decided to redo the overall theme of this site, to give myself a fresh start.

This time, the focus will not be so much on losing weight, but just making healthy changes in my life, both physical and mental. I will not beat myself up for missing a day of exercise or messing up in my eating. My goals will be more concrete (no more candy or snack cakes) and less abstract (eat less junk), and less weight-loss oriented (lose 150 lbs) and more health oriented (get off my BP meds).

Also included will be tips and tidbits on ways I'm learning to love myself JUST AS I AM. It's so much easier to form healthy habits when you view yourself as someone worthy of love and nurturing. Hating yourself is just a road to self-punishment, i.e. binging until you want to puke.

I want to love me. I'm tired of waiting for other people to convince me I'm worthy of love. Damn it, I AM worthy of love. And I'm going to learn to love me, lumps and all. I want to see the beautiful woman that I keep being told I am.

Let's all rebel against the perfectionist culture that puts beauty in such a small box. we can't all be 5'11'' size 2 blondes with big racks and no hips. Ew. Most of us would look AWFUL like that. Plus how boring would that be? Let's celebrate the beauty of our diversity, and the diversity of beauty!

I'm going to start giving assignments.
This assignment:
Tell me one amazing thing your body can do, right now in the shape it's in now.
Thank you for reading, dear friends.

Day 1: Weigh-in and Goals

EW! So I the title of my blog says I weigh 310, which would be bad enough. But I just weighed in and I'm actually 311. I wear a size 28. My knees creak, I have high blood pressure, and PCOS. I have insulin resistance with a family history of diabetes.

My name is Mandy. I am turning 25 this month. I have 0 chance of enjoying the rest of my 20's if the weight doesn't come off NOW. So yeah.

I decided to start this blog for two reasons:

1. To motivate me. I need to do this. I need to be accountable to someone, even if it is only the phantom of the possibility of people reading this.

2. To motivate others. I hope, as I write this that I am successful enough to serve as inspiration for others. So if you're reading, comment! I want to know what you think, what you feel, what your goals are!

So my goal for my next weigh-in, January 26th (the day before my birthday!) is a loss of 10 pounds, putting me at 301.

My goal for the end of my college semester, May 15th (I have to double-check that!) is a loss of 50 pounds, putting me at 261.

My long term goal, slightly adjusted for today's one pound disappointment, is a loss of 151 pounds, putting me at 160.

How am I to do that? Lots of veggies. Good fruits. Lean protein. Leafy greens.

For exercise, I will be walking 1 hour every day. I will also throw in other programs IN ADDITION, if time permits.

I will keep you posted.

Wish me luck!

Oh! And tomorrow: Before pictures! Gross!!