When CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, Mike Jeffries, recently went on record as saying that he only wants "beautiful people" to work and shop at his stores, the internet exploded. Apparently, his definition of beauty is very narrow, and does not include the average size woman or larger, or any large male who is non-athletic. For the last week or so, I have seen meme after meme accusing him of hypocrisy by attacking his physical appearance, as he is older, maybe just a touch out of shape and has had extensive "work" done on his face. I admit to posting one or two of them myself.
Today, I want to apologize to Mike Jeffries. When we criticize someone for judging people's worth through looks and then turn around and do the same, we are missing the point. So, sir who will never read this, I am sorry for subjecting you to the same hateful rhetoric you have been spewing. No one should ever have to be made to feel they are not beautiful. I am so sorry that we have perpetuated the culture of judgment while calling for its end. It is wrong-headed and mean.
I also want to apologize to myself for letting my standards slip when I participated in attacking a person for their external appearance. It was childish and I am ashamed of myself. There is never any good reason to do so, and we are only seeking to justify a morally reprehensible act by wrapping it in moral outrage. It is NOT okay. I'm going to have to dig deep to figure out why I let myself get caught in a mob mentality and break my own ethical rules.
Yes, what Mr. Jeffries said was awful, but I suspect it belies a deeper hurt. He acts like a child desperately putting others down to make himself feel better. His history of cosmetic surgery shows a deep and abiding discomfort in his own skin. I suspect he does not truly see himself as beautiful, and so he lashes out from pain and tries to bring others down. By retaliating, we have only ensured his continued self-hatred and misanthropy.
Or maybe he's just a dick. Either way, insulting his looks isn't going to help a thing.
Call him out for his insensitive remarks. Call him out for his exclusionary and shallow business practices. Call him out for making bland, overpriced clothing. But don't make fun of his looks. Don't be a bully. Don't perpetuate a culture of appearance-based judgment.
Don't sink to his level.
Showing posts with label flaws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flaws. Show all posts
15 May 2013
31 May 2012
DDP Says "Own Your Life"
I have a confession to make. I have no idea how to be an adult. I am rapidly closing in on 30, I want to have kids, I have a house and a hubby, but I am still a gigantic child. I never take responsibility for my actions, I procrastinate, I'm stubborn and irrational, and I refuse to take care of the basics of living. Now along comes DDP with his yoga and his philosophies, promising me better health if I just commit to it and "own my life."
What does that even mean? How do I do that? I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want. How can I own a question mark? I've never taken care of myself because I have never had to. I've had people take care of me, pander to me, and support my every terrible decision. I'm basically an immature mess.
This blog is the only thing I have going for me. The idea that people are watching what I do, and maybe taking some sort of inspiration from it, is about the only thing that is keeping me on any semblance of a path. Every hit I see added to my page stats tells me that someone is reading, and makes me feel like maybe I can help. Because they say that if you want to really learn something, you should teach it. I guess that's what this blog is to me.
If my ramblings about life and self-esteem and healing have even the chance of giving someone else hope, I will keep plowing forward. Maybe in the end, owning your life isn't about knowing where it's headed, or really even just making things happen. Maybe it's about owning the mistakes and the setbacks, the hesitations and doubts, the faults and the flaws. Because these things ARE me.
I have a favorite quote: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." (Lao Tzu) I have to own the past, and not let it become my future. I have to know what I am holding onto, so that I can let it go. This is my life, this is it, all of me. I am what I have done, and what I will do. But that is up to me. There is no one else who is going to come to the rescue. My life is mine to make of it what I will. Is that what it means to own it?
What does that even mean? How do I do that? I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want. How can I own a question mark? I've never taken care of myself because I have never had to. I've had people take care of me, pander to me, and support my every terrible decision. I'm basically an immature mess.
This blog is the only thing I have going for me. The idea that people are watching what I do, and maybe taking some sort of inspiration from it, is about the only thing that is keeping me on any semblance of a path. Every hit I see added to my page stats tells me that someone is reading, and makes me feel like maybe I can help. Because they say that if you want to really learn something, you should teach it. I guess that's what this blog is to me.
If my ramblings about life and self-esteem and healing have even the chance of giving someone else hope, I will keep plowing forward. Maybe in the end, owning your life isn't about knowing where it's headed, or really even just making things happen. Maybe it's about owning the mistakes and the setbacks, the hesitations and doubts, the faults and the flaws. Because these things ARE me.
I have a favorite quote: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." (Lao Tzu) I have to own the past, and not let it become my future. I have to know what I am holding onto, so that I can let it go. This is my life, this is it, all of me. I am what I have done, and what I will do. But that is up to me. There is no one else who is going to come to the rescue. My life is mine to make of it what I will. Is that what it means to own it?
20 May 2012
Body Clutter Chapter 3
I spent a lot of time last night meditating about my root, trying to figure out why it got so closed in the first place. I don't have those answers yet, but I do feel that it is starting to open up, and I feel much better already. Today I'm back on track with Body Clutter. Chapter 3 is about hiding. The way we hide from the world by refusing to dress and look our best. The way we hide from ourselves by pretending there isn't a problem.
FlyLady wants us to feel pretty (or handsome!) every day. Why is that so hard? I know that personally, I don't always feel I deserve to look pretty. Like there is some reason why I must sit around the house in frumpy old clothes with my hair in knots. Do you know it takes the same effort to put on jeans and a nice shirt as opposed to sweats? And only marginally more time to pull a brush through your hair than tossing the tangles in a scrunchie or headband. I don't wear makeup that often, partly because it's a hassle, partly because the hubby and I feel it is unnecessary, but when I do it takes 5 minutes. So why do we deny ourselves the pleasure of looking the best we can?
Dinner Diva goes on to talk about how the weight itself can be a way to hide. In her case, it was hiding from a dysfunctional marriage. But there are a whole host of things we could be hiding from. Shy people using their weight to hide from attention. People who have been abused in the past using it to hide from the opposite (or same) sex. And it isn't restricted to having excess weight. I know at least one lovely woman who has struggled with being too thin after being in an abusive relationship. I think that is also a way to hide, like disappearing.
The first question this chapter is do you feel pretty? And for me, that is a day-to-day thing. More and more though, the answer is "no." Even when I try to get all dolled up, there are fewer times that I look in the mirror and say "man, I'm cute." For example, the "Weird Al" concert. I picked out an awesome outfit in colors I know I look good in with lots of shiny bits because shiny things RULE. And I loved the outfit. I just didn't love me in it. Once I put it on, I felt a little silly. I wore it anyway, but there aren't any pictures of it, and I didn't feel good in it. I felt like an overgrown child. Like it would have looked good on someone half my age and a third my size. I have a hard time accepting that I can look nice.
How many years of clothes do you have in your closet and in how many sizes? Well, thanks to prior FlyLady influence, I have two giant bags of clothes sitting in my basement do donate, so not that much is still in the rotation, and most of it is less than 5 years old. However, I've been a size 28 since my junior year of high school, so even the older stuff still fits. Confession time though-I have a sweater from the third grade, and y'all. I still wear it. I wore it as a baggy dress back then, and it fits me as intended now. Take that as you will.
Do you get dressed to shoes every morning? Uh, no. No I don't. I know I should, but.... I'm actually in my PJ's writing this. I haven't had much energy to do laundry lately, so I'm a bit low on "presentable" options.
Have you ever felt embarrassed about your weight? Yeah. In fact the worst was this past August. I went with some friends to a zombie themed night at a local amusement park, and the ticket included access for the day as well. I went to one of the roller coasters, because I FREAKING LOVE ROLLER COASTERS! I even went to sit in the fat seat. And, for the first time in my life, despite my clothing size being the same, despite my weight not being more than 10 pounds different, it wouldn't close. I was asked to leave the ride. My friends went to get off, and I told them no, I was fine. But after they took off for the fun I was now denied, I called the hubby in tears. I was almost hysterical. One of my favorite things, and I couldn't do it any more. And on top of that, I was publicly humiliated. It was bad. Almost ruined the whole day. It has forced me to acknowledge that my weight IS a problem and it is holding me back from my life.
Have you used your body clutter as a shield? When and in what way? Yeah, I think I do this more than I want to admit. There are things in life that I want, but which also terrify me deeply. Coincidentally, these also happen to be things that being obese keeps me from doing anyway. Things like acting. I love to act, but there aren't a lot of roles for the fat (Tracy Turnblad aside). So I learn monologues, I practice my singing, and I never go on auditions, because what's the point? But the biggest thing in my life, the thing I have wanted since I was 12, is to be a mom. But I know that if I stay this heavy it won't happen. Those things, the things I love and want, are SCARY. So, I keep the weight on because it is the ultimate excuse for not putting myself out there. I can't be judged if I don't attempt.
Wow. This was a heavy chapter, and I feel a bit drained now. See you later!
FlyLady wants us to feel pretty (or handsome!) every day. Why is that so hard? I know that personally, I don't always feel I deserve to look pretty. Like there is some reason why I must sit around the house in frumpy old clothes with my hair in knots. Do you know it takes the same effort to put on jeans and a nice shirt as opposed to sweats? And only marginally more time to pull a brush through your hair than tossing the tangles in a scrunchie or headband. I don't wear makeup that often, partly because it's a hassle, partly because the hubby and I feel it is unnecessary, but when I do it takes 5 minutes. So why do we deny ourselves the pleasure of looking the best we can?
Dinner Diva goes on to talk about how the weight itself can be a way to hide. In her case, it was hiding from a dysfunctional marriage. But there are a whole host of things we could be hiding from. Shy people using their weight to hide from attention. People who have been abused in the past using it to hide from the opposite (or same) sex. And it isn't restricted to having excess weight. I know at least one lovely woman who has struggled with being too thin after being in an abusive relationship. I think that is also a way to hide, like disappearing.
The first question this chapter is do you feel pretty? And for me, that is a day-to-day thing. More and more though, the answer is "no." Even when I try to get all dolled up, there are fewer times that I look in the mirror and say "man, I'm cute." For example, the "Weird Al" concert. I picked out an awesome outfit in colors I know I look good in with lots of shiny bits because shiny things RULE. And I loved the outfit. I just didn't love me in it. Once I put it on, I felt a little silly. I wore it anyway, but there aren't any pictures of it, and I didn't feel good in it. I felt like an overgrown child. Like it would have looked good on someone half my age and a third my size. I have a hard time accepting that I can look nice.
How many years of clothes do you have in your closet and in how many sizes? Well, thanks to prior FlyLady influence, I have two giant bags of clothes sitting in my basement do donate, so not that much is still in the rotation, and most of it is less than 5 years old. However, I've been a size 28 since my junior year of high school, so even the older stuff still fits. Confession time though-I have a sweater from the third grade, and y'all. I still wear it. I wore it as a baggy dress back then, and it fits me as intended now. Take that as you will.
Do you get dressed to shoes every morning? Uh, no. No I don't. I know I should, but.... I'm actually in my PJ's writing this. I haven't had much energy to do laundry lately, so I'm a bit low on "presentable" options.
Have you ever felt embarrassed about your weight? Yeah. In fact the worst was this past August. I went with some friends to a zombie themed night at a local amusement park, and the ticket included access for the day as well. I went to one of the roller coasters, because I FREAKING LOVE ROLLER COASTERS! I even went to sit in the fat seat. And, for the first time in my life, despite my clothing size being the same, despite my weight not being more than 10 pounds different, it wouldn't close. I was asked to leave the ride. My friends went to get off, and I told them no, I was fine. But after they took off for the fun I was now denied, I called the hubby in tears. I was almost hysterical. One of my favorite things, and I couldn't do it any more. And on top of that, I was publicly humiliated. It was bad. Almost ruined the whole day. It has forced me to acknowledge that my weight IS a problem and it is holding me back from my life.
Have you used your body clutter as a shield? When and in what way? Yeah, I think I do this more than I want to admit. There are things in life that I want, but which also terrify me deeply. Coincidentally, these also happen to be things that being obese keeps me from doing anyway. Things like acting. I love to act, but there aren't a lot of roles for the fat (Tracy Turnblad aside). So I learn monologues, I practice my singing, and I never go on auditions, because what's the point? But the biggest thing in my life, the thing I have wanted since I was 12, is to be a mom. But I know that if I stay this heavy it won't happen. Those things, the things I love and want, are SCARY. So, I keep the weight on because it is the ultimate excuse for not putting myself out there. I can't be judged if I don't attempt.
Wow. This was a heavy chapter, and I feel a bit drained now. See you later!
27 February 2010
Finding good in everything
God damn, but I am cute. And I mean really cute.
Sure I have my flaws (God, just check out earlier posts *shudder*). But along with the big tummy and lumpy thighs is an amazing set of eyes and nearly perfect lips. I have well shaped calves, pretty ankles, huge tits. I am ADOREABLE.
No this isn't me just being arrogant, nor has it been easy to get to this place. I still rely way too heavily on the input of others to build up my sense of worth, and all it takes is the wrong look from the right person to send me spiralling. But I get up. I see what is good in me. And to Hell with anyone who can't.
It is somewhat more difficult, I know, if you don't have the amazing love and support I get from my family. But if your mom can't see how amazing you are, to Hell with her. If your dad calls you fat, to Hell with him. If your boyfriend or your girlfriend makes you feel like you are anything less than a beautiful person inside and out, you don't need them.
All you need is you, and an ability to see past your flaws to what makes you perfect. In closing I will share one of my favorite pictures I've ever seen.
She is beautiful. So are you. Hugs to all.
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