I love science. My motto here is "Live loud. Question everything." Science is the process by which we find answers to those questions. I want to be clear on a few things here.
1.) Science is not simply a means to an end, nor is it perfect. As our understanding evolves, science evolves. The recent discovery that Black Death may not have been a bubonic plague after all shows this.
2.) Science is still the best method we have for understanding the way our universe works. The results of that process are still the best explanation we have for natural phenomena.
3.) Opinions are NOT as valid as science, no matter how loudly they are stated.
4.) Science says vaccines don't cause autism, but they *do* save lives and keep children from suffering needlessly.
For a much clearer explanation, see here:
http://violentmetaphors.com/2014/03/25/parents-you-are-being-lied-to/
10 March 2014
Crochet? Hooray!: Captain America Beret
Full disclosure: I have actually been crocheting for about a year and a half now.
I found my grandmother's hooks in my basement while cleaning one day. She had died when I was...I wanna say 10? I was in school and the funeral was out of state, so I wasn't able to go. When my parents came home, they brought me a few trinkets, some jewelry and her pouch of crochet hooks. She was very creative. I have one of her afghans, one she made me for Christmas one year. It's my favorite blanket, warm and soft and full of love. I tried at one point to learn how to crochet in middle school, but some tension issues and adolescent frustration lead to putting them away for many years. I picked up knitting and I loved it, but when I found the hooks, I felt guilty for not using them.
So, I set out to change that. I sat down with her hooks, and some yarn, and a few YouTube videos, and made my first granny square. Then a shawl. And I loved it. Now, I crochet almost every day. I hardly ever knit, crochet is so much faster. I still have my needles, and maybe someday I'll pick them up again. But for now, it's happy hooking for me.
Last year, a friend wanted a hat to commemorate her love of all things Cap. I couldn't find a pattern at the time, so I designed one. I crocheted through this pattern a few times, and the number of stitches of blue to crochet around the star hasn't been quite...consistent. But the overall technique is solid. So here it is, in time for the upcoming premier of Winter Soldier, the Captain America Beret:
I used the silvery yarn and a darker red to look more like the shield from the movies, but bright red white and blue work equally well.
G hook
~With white yarn~
Create a slip knot.
5sc in loop, pull tight
2sc in each sc around (10)
*2sc in stitch, 1 sc* around (15)
*sl, ch 6, [1sc in 1st ch, 1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 1tc], skip 1 stich, s1* 5 times
sc around
sl st join 2nd color [blue]
~Blue~
ch 5, 1tc, 1htc, 1dc, 1hdc, 1sc, *1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 2tc, skip 1, 2tc, 1htc, 1dc, 1hdc, 3sc* repeat 3 more times, 1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 1tc, sl to join {ed. note: No matter how many times I test this, this row, and as a result the next, are always a bit off. The take away is basicly to transition from triples at the bottom to singles at the points.}
ch3, dc, hdc, 2sc, sl *sl, 2sc, hdc, 3dc, hdc, 2sc, 2sl* repeat 3 more times, s1, 2sc, hdc, dc, sl to join 3rd color[red] (55)
~Red~
ch3, *4dc, 2sc in same st* around, sl to join (66)
ch3, *5dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join [white] (77)
~White~
ch3, *6dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join (88)
ch3, *7dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join [red] (99)
~Red~
ch3, *8dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join (110)
ch3, dc around, sl to join (110)
ch3, *8dc, dctog* around, sl to join (99)
ch3, *7dc, dctog* around, sl to join (88)
ch3, *6dc, dctog* around, sl to join (77)
ch3, *5dc, dctog* around, sl to join (66)
ch3, *4dc, dctog* around, sl to join (55)
ch3, *3dc, dctog* around, sl to join (44)
ch2, hdc around, sl to join, twice
ch1, sc around, sl to join
Repeat final row once, finish off
If you use this pattern, please do not sell the items. It is for personal use only. However, feel free to send me a picture, I love to see what people make!
I found my grandmother's hooks in my basement while cleaning one day. She had died when I was...I wanna say 10? I was in school and the funeral was out of state, so I wasn't able to go. When my parents came home, they brought me a few trinkets, some jewelry and her pouch of crochet hooks. She was very creative. I have one of her afghans, one she made me for Christmas one year. It's my favorite blanket, warm and soft and full of love. I tried at one point to learn how to crochet in middle school, but some tension issues and adolescent frustration lead to putting them away for many years. I picked up knitting and I loved it, but when I found the hooks, I felt guilty for not using them.
So, I set out to change that. I sat down with her hooks, and some yarn, and a few YouTube videos, and made my first granny square. Then a shawl. And I loved it. Now, I crochet almost every day. I hardly ever knit, crochet is so much faster. I still have my needles, and maybe someday I'll pick them up again. But for now, it's happy hooking for me.
Last year, a friend wanted a hat to commemorate her love of all things Cap. I couldn't find a pattern at the time, so I designed one. I crocheted through this pattern a few times, and the number of stitches of blue to crochet around the star hasn't been quite...consistent. But the overall technique is solid. So here it is, in time for the upcoming premier of Winter Soldier, the Captain America Beret:
I used the silvery yarn and a darker red to look more like the shield from the movies, but bright red white and blue work equally well.
G hook
~With white yarn~
Create a slip knot.
5sc in loop, pull tight
2sc in each sc around (10)
*2sc in stitch, 1 sc* around (15)
*sl, ch 6, [1sc in 1st ch, 1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 1tc], skip 1 stich, s1* 5 times
sc around
sl st join 2nd color [blue]
~Blue~
ch 5, 1tc, 1htc, 1dc, 1hdc, 1sc, *1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 2tc, skip 1, 2tc, 1htc, 1dc, 1hdc, 3sc* repeat 3 more times, 1hdc, 1dc, 1htc, 1tc, sl to join {ed. note: No matter how many times I test this, this row, and as a result the next, are always a bit off. The take away is basicly to transition from triples at the bottom to singles at the points.}
ch3, dc, hdc, 2sc, sl *sl, 2sc, hdc, 3dc, hdc, 2sc, 2sl* repeat 3 more times, s1, 2sc, hdc, dc, sl to join 3rd color[red] (55)
~Red~
ch3, *4dc, 2sc in same st* around, sl to join (66)
ch3, *5dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join [white] (77)
~White~
ch3, *6dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join (88)
ch3, *7dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join [red] (99)
~Red~
ch3, *8dc, 2dc in same st* around, sl to join (110)
ch3, dc around, sl to join (110)
ch3, *8dc, dctog* around, sl to join (99)
ch3, *7dc, dctog* around, sl to join (88)
ch3, *6dc, dctog* around, sl to join (77)
ch3, *5dc, dctog* around, sl to join (66)
ch3, *4dc, dctog* around, sl to join (55)
ch3, *3dc, dctog* around, sl to join (44)
ch2, hdc around, sl to join, twice
ch1, sc around, sl to join
Repeat final row once, finish off
If you use this pattern, please do not sell the items. It is for personal use only. However, feel free to send me a picture, I love to see what people make!
28 January 2014
Nerdy Knits: Whovian Alphabet for Knitting
As I said last week, I am continuing my series of geeky alphabet charts for you yarn crafters out there. You can find my first two installments here: Potter! Twilight!
This week's alphabet is near and dear to my heart, the Whovian Alphabet.
Now, I am not caught up. Seriously. I don't have cable, so I watch on Netflix, or occasionally elsewhere on the internet, so I haven't seen anything since the Ponds left. That said I am seriously excited for Peter Capaldi's take on our favorite Madman with a Box.
Let me know if you use my lettering, I want to see what you make! If you want to sell what you made, just link back here. (And please, don't try to sell my charts.) You should also consider checking out my fob watch inspired baby rattle.
So who are my fellow Whovians? Sound off in the comments, but please no spoilers. ;)
This week's alphabet is near and dear to my heart, the Whovian Alphabet.
Let me know if you use my lettering, I want to see what you make! If you want to sell what you made, just link back here. (And please, don't try to sell my charts.) You should also consider checking out my fob watch inspired baby rattle.
So who are my fellow Whovians? Sound off in the comments, but please no spoilers. ;)
21 January 2014
Nerdy Knits: Twilight Alphabet for Knitters
It's been well over a year, but my Potter Alphabet continues to be my most popular post, by far, outstripping all other posts combined. In that vein, I have decided to continue with a series of sci-fi/fantasy fonts so that you lovelies can let your own creativity shine. SO with out further ado, I present, the Twilight font:
I chose to do all lower case, as the book titles are all written in lower case.
As always, you are free to use this pattern in any way you see fit, provided two things:
1.) Do not sell my charts directly
2.) If you sell an item made using my charts, please credit it back to this page
Other than that, it's free, always will be. Have fun!
New! A Doctor Who font!
As always, you are free to use this pattern in any way you see fit, provided two things:
1.) Do not sell my charts directly
2.) If you sell an item made using my charts, please credit it back to this page
Other than that, it's free, always will be. Have fun!
New! A Doctor Who font!
23 December 2013
On Grief and Grieving
I want to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to my cousin. When her mother, my dear aunt, passed away a few years ago, I was very sad. And I was (internally) snarky every time she said "it's different when it's your own mom." My aunt was like my second mom, I thought it was exactly the same. I was very wrong.
My own mother passed away this year just before Thanksgiving. She had a very unexpected heart attack that took her instantly, no one could have done anything to save her. A month later and I am still not okay. I am so very far from okay. This grief is powerful; it steals my breath and boils my blood. This is a sadness that goes deeper than I have ever felt, even over my aunt. It is more pure than the chronic depression I have battled since adolescence. This is a new beast entirely.
The first few days were just shock. Nothing felt real. I kept trying to wake up, like it was a nightmare I could shake off with a good cup of coffee. Then came the insomnia and anxiety. I was unprepared for the raw panic that hit me. It was unrelenting. I shook, I cried, I couldn't breathe. I was terrified all of the time for weeks. Some therapists actually believe that anxiety should share space with bargaining in the stages of grief, because not everyone bargains. I apparently do not bargain. Now, I am finally sleeping, and the panic has mostly subsided.
Now the anger has settled in. I am furious. I am mad at the universe for taking her away. I am mad at Mom for abandoning me. I am mad at everyone who still has a mother and doesn't appreciate her. I am mad at myself for being such an insufferable tool. I keep lashing out at people, whether or not they deserve it. I cry over nothing. I punch things. I want to scream a primal scream until my throat bleeds. I want to hide under my bed covers and escape into a book. I want to be everywhere and nowhere.
But life doesn't stop for grief, no matter how intense. The dishes need done, classes must be attended, and shopping lists accumulate. So I learned to put away my sadness, anger, and anxiety. I tuck it away, and get on with life until I can't take it any more, and it comes flying out with rage and pain, and takes out anyone near me.
So, no I'm not okay. I think I'm going to be, though, and I'm planning to see a therapist to make sure of that. I don't know if any of my rambling could be helpful to anyone else. I hope there is something in this that is of value. If you have found this because you are in pain and you are not okay either, just know that you are not alone. And I am sorry for that. I'm sorry that you are not okay, I am sorry that you are hurting. But you, like me, will get through this.
I think.
My own mother passed away this year just before Thanksgiving. She had a very unexpected heart attack that took her instantly, no one could have done anything to save her. A month later and I am still not okay. I am so very far from okay. This grief is powerful; it steals my breath and boils my blood. This is a sadness that goes deeper than I have ever felt, even over my aunt. It is more pure than the chronic depression I have battled since adolescence. This is a new beast entirely.
The first few days were just shock. Nothing felt real. I kept trying to wake up, like it was a nightmare I could shake off with a good cup of coffee. Then came the insomnia and anxiety. I was unprepared for the raw panic that hit me. It was unrelenting. I shook, I cried, I couldn't breathe. I was terrified all of the time for weeks. Some therapists actually believe that anxiety should share space with bargaining in the stages of grief, because not everyone bargains. I apparently do not bargain. Now, I am finally sleeping, and the panic has mostly subsided.
Now the anger has settled in. I am furious. I am mad at the universe for taking her away. I am mad at Mom for abandoning me. I am mad at everyone who still has a mother and doesn't appreciate her. I am mad at myself for being such an insufferable tool. I keep lashing out at people, whether or not they deserve it. I cry over nothing. I punch things. I want to scream a primal scream until my throat bleeds. I want to hide under my bed covers and escape into a book. I want to be everywhere and nowhere.
But life doesn't stop for grief, no matter how intense. The dishes need done, classes must be attended, and shopping lists accumulate. So I learned to put away my sadness, anger, and anxiety. I tuck it away, and get on with life until I can't take it any more, and it comes flying out with rage and pain, and takes out anyone near me.
So, no I'm not okay. I think I'm going to be, though, and I'm planning to see a therapist to make sure of that. I don't know if any of my rambling could be helpful to anyone else. I hope there is something in this that is of value. If you have found this because you are in pain and you are not okay either, just know that you are not alone. And I am sorry for that. I'm sorry that you are not okay, I am sorry that you are hurting. But you, like me, will get through this.
I think.
20 August 2013
Blendstock~Strawberry Banana Frozen Yogurt
My experiments with the blender have been...interesting. The only things I have made thus far that have been edible have been from other's recipes, and I really wanted to bring you lovelies something original.
Apparently original recipes and I don't blend.
Today, however I made something really yummy by modifying Vitamix's Strawberry Yogurt Freeze. Basically it only calls for a cup of lowfat vanilla yogurt and a pound of strawberries. I subbed plain whole milk organic Stonyfield farms yogurt, as the hubs can't eat lowfat dairy. Also switched out half of the strawberries for frozen banana, and added a squirt of agave nectar to account for using plain yogurt.
Apparently original recipes and I don't blend.
Today, however I made something really yummy by modifying Vitamix's Strawberry Yogurt Freeze. Basically it only calls for a cup of lowfat vanilla yogurt and a pound of strawberries. I subbed plain whole milk organic Stonyfield farms yogurt, as the hubs can't eat lowfat dairy. Also switched out half of the strawberries for frozen banana, and added a squirt of agave nectar to account for using plain yogurt.
Not a great picture, but it is SO tasty, rich and creamy.
A couple of pro tips-
A couple of pro tips-
1.)Don't halve recipes which call for a majority of frozen ingredients and which make 4 or fewer cups total. Your blender won't thank you for it.
2.)Peel bananas BEFORE freezing. It isn't impossible to peel a frozen banana, but it isn't pleasant, and thawing and refreezing is not really an option.
I hope you guys are doing well today! <3
12 August 2013
Blendstock~Cherry Berry Sunshine Smoothie Recipe
The hubs and I just got a blender. This may not sound all that news worthy, but it's an *investment* blender, so I've been tasked with proving the investment is worth it. 45 days to make epic use of this thing, or it goes back, lol.
The thing is, I've been dealing with a LOT of pain the last few weeks. First, I had an abscessed tooth which needed two rounds of antibiotics before being pulled. Then, I had the extraction, which was itself traumatic and awful. Then, two days later, I developed DRY SOCKET. If you've ever had it, you know why it's in all caps. The worst pain I have ever felt. EVER.
That was 11 days ago (and will be a separate post probably). Today, I am on 15mg of Mobic daily, and doing much better. However, I have to eat when I take my medicine, and that can be tricky with a jaw that won't open all the way, and which causes me to scream in pain whenever I bite down on anything hard.
So this morning when I awoke, I took my medicine and thought "WOOT! I get to make a smoothie!" I just threw this together with ingredients from my fridge, but I thought it was yummy enough to share with you lovelies.
To a high powered blender add-
And it is delicious! The thing next to it in the picture is my easy, decadent tasting, but actually not terrible chocolate nut bark with mixed nuts (recipe some other day). Hope you guys are doing better than I am. Enjoy your day. :)
The thing is, I've been dealing with a LOT of pain the last few weeks. First, I had an abscessed tooth which needed two rounds of antibiotics before being pulled. Then, I had the extraction, which was itself traumatic and awful. Then, two days later, I developed DRY SOCKET. If you've ever had it, you know why it's in all caps. The worst pain I have ever felt. EVER.
That was 11 days ago (and will be a separate post probably). Today, I am on 15mg of Mobic daily, and doing much better. However, I have to eat when I take my medicine, and that can be tricky with a jaw that won't open all the way, and which causes me to scream in pain whenever I bite down on anything hard.
So this morning when I awoke, I took my medicine and thought "WOOT! I get to make a smoothie!" I just threw this together with ingredients from my fridge, but I thought it was yummy enough to share with you lovelies.
Cherry Berry Sunshine Smoothie
To a high powered blender add-
- 2-3 oz of limeade or lime juice
- 2 tbsp honey or agave (optional)
- 6 oz vanilla yogurt
- 5 large strawberries, stem ends trimmed
- about a half cup of blueberries
- 7 large sweet cherries, pitted
- about a half of a cup of mango chunks
- a handful of dark leafy greens (I used spinach)
- 1 cup of ice
And it is delicious! The thing next to it in the picture is my easy, decadent tasting, but actually not terrible chocolate nut bark with mixed nuts (recipe some other day). Hope you guys are doing better than I am. Enjoy your day. :)
15 May 2013
A Word on Mike Jeffries
When CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, Mike Jeffries, recently went on record as saying that he only wants "beautiful people" to work and shop at his stores, the internet exploded. Apparently, his definition of beauty is very narrow, and does not include the average size woman or larger, or any large male who is non-athletic. For the last week or so, I have seen meme after meme accusing him of hypocrisy by attacking his physical appearance, as he is older, maybe just a touch out of shape and has had extensive "work" done on his face. I admit to posting one or two of them myself.
Today, I want to apologize to Mike Jeffries. When we criticize someone for judging people's worth through looks and then turn around and do the same, we are missing the point. So, sir who will never read this, I am sorry for subjecting you to the same hateful rhetoric you have been spewing. No one should ever have to be made to feel they are not beautiful. I am so sorry that we have perpetuated the culture of judgment while calling for its end. It is wrong-headed and mean.
I also want to apologize to myself for letting my standards slip when I participated in attacking a person for their external appearance. It was childish and I am ashamed of myself. There is never any good reason to do so, and we are only seeking to justify a morally reprehensible act by wrapping it in moral outrage. It is NOT okay. I'm going to have to dig deep to figure out why I let myself get caught in a mob mentality and break my own ethical rules.
Yes, what Mr. Jeffries said was awful, but I suspect it belies a deeper hurt. He acts like a child desperately putting others down to make himself feel better. His history of cosmetic surgery shows a deep and abiding discomfort in his own skin. I suspect he does not truly see himself as beautiful, and so he lashes out from pain and tries to bring others down. By retaliating, we have only ensured his continued self-hatred and misanthropy.
Or maybe he's just a dick. Either way, insulting his looks isn't going to help a thing.
Call him out for his insensitive remarks. Call him out for his exclusionary and shallow business practices. Call him out for making bland, overpriced clothing. But don't make fun of his looks. Don't be a bully. Don't perpetuate a culture of appearance-based judgment.
Don't sink to his level.
Today, I want to apologize to Mike Jeffries. When we criticize someone for judging people's worth through looks and then turn around and do the same, we are missing the point. So, sir who will never read this, I am sorry for subjecting you to the same hateful rhetoric you have been spewing. No one should ever have to be made to feel they are not beautiful. I am so sorry that we have perpetuated the culture of judgment while calling for its end. It is wrong-headed and mean.
I also want to apologize to myself for letting my standards slip when I participated in attacking a person for their external appearance. It was childish and I am ashamed of myself. There is never any good reason to do so, and we are only seeking to justify a morally reprehensible act by wrapping it in moral outrage. It is NOT okay. I'm going to have to dig deep to figure out why I let myself get caught in a mob mentality and break my own ethical rules.
Yes, what Mr. Jeffries said was awful, but I suspect it belies a deeper hurt. He acts like a child desperately putting others down to make himself feel better. His history of cosmetic surgery shows a deep and abiding discomfort in his own skin. I suspect he does not truly see himself as beautiful, and so he lashes out from pain and tries to bring others down. By retaliating, we have only ensured his continued self-hatred and misanthropy.
Or maybe he's just a dick. Either way, insulting his looks isn't going to help a thing.
Call him out for his insensitive remarks. Call him out for his exclusionary and shallow business practices. Call him out for making bland, overpriced clothing. But don't make fun of his looks. Don't be a bully. Don't perpetuate a culture of appearance-based judgment.
Don't sink to his level.
02 April 2013
Music I Like: Marian Call
OMIGOD, you guys. I just squeed so hard I scared the cats. I went to check my email tonight, and I received this message in my inbox (abridged, slightly):
"Hi Amanda!
This is Marian, out of the blue, ages after you originally wrote me. Sorry....I just wanted to tell you that I spent a little time on your blog today, and it is sweet and lovely and gave me happy feels. I hope you will keep writing when you have time....
Marian"
I wrote to her to tell her I was going to review her album (an oversight I am mortified about and shortly going to correct) and then MARIAN CALL READ MY BLOG AND I CAN ONLY FEEL SO MUCH JOY. What? You don't know who Marian Call is? Then I get to tell you all about her!
She is this amazing songwriter from Alaska. I first heard her stuff quite about two years ago. I don't even remember what I was searching for, I just remember that I stumbled across this amazingly nerdy and wonderful album, Got To Fly. The music is all (execpt the first track) inspired by Firefly and the reboot of Battlestar Galactica. I can't stop giggling when I listen to "It's Good to Have Jayne on Your Side" and there is so much emotion and tenderness in the River Tam inspired "Dark Dark Eyes" that it gets me every time. The first track, "I'll Still be a Geek After Nobody Thinks It's Chic" is an amazing rally cry for nerd girls everywhere. The title track, "Got to Fly" is the most fun and acurate telling of the mentality of sci-fi/fantasy fans. The final track, and ode to YoSaffBridge titled "It was good for you too" even has Christina Hendricks' approval.
Then she came out with Something Fierce. And she blew my mind again. "The Avocado Song" has to be one of the most fun songs ever written. "Dear Mister Darcy" is my favorite song to sing on the album, and sometimes I just crank it and wail away. "Whistle While You Wait" has such a good message of not giving up or losing yourself on your road to success. The heartbreak in "Early is as Early Does" is so real and yet never overwhelming. And "Anchorage" makes my heart sing.
Look, I'm not a music critic. I'm not qualified to go on about the complexity of the melody, and I have no idea about the technical side of music making. All I know is this: if you want to listen to some damn fine music by an amazingly talented and fearless woman, you need to check out the albums above as well as her debut album Vanilla, her most recent release, Live in Europe, and just everything else on her Bandcamp page. And next time she's in Philly, anyone want to go with me?
I'm going to go back to grinning and hyperventilating now.
"Hi Amanda!
This is Marian, out of the blue, ages after you originally wrote me. Sorry....I just wanted to tell you that I spent a little time on your blog today, and it is sweet and lovely and gave me happy feels. I hope you will keep writing when you have time....
Marian"
I wrote to her to tell her I was going to review her album (an oversight I am mortified about and shortly going to correct) and then MARIAN CALL READ MY BLOG AND I CAN ONLY FEEL SO MUCH JOY. What? You don't know who Marian Call is? Then I get to tell you all about her!
She is this amazing songwriter from Alaska. I first heard her stuff quite about two years ago. I don't even remember what I was searching for, I just remember that I stumbled across this amazingly nerdy and wonderful album, Got To Fly. The music is all (execpt the first track) inspired by Firefly and the reboot of Battlestar Galactica. I can't stop giggling when I listen to "It's Good to Have Jayne on Your Side" and there is so much emotion and tenderness in the River Tam inspired "Dark Dark Eyes" that it gets me every time. The first track, "I'll Still be a Geek After Nobody Thinks It's Chic" is an amazing rally cry for nerd girls everywhere. The title track, "Got to Fly" is the most fun and acurate telling of the mentality of sci-fi/fantasy fans. The final track, and ode to YoSaffBridge titled "It was good for you too" even has Christina Hendricks' approval.
Then she came out with Something Fierce. And she blew my mind again. "The Avocado Song" has to be one of the most fun songs ever written. "Dear Mister Darcy" is my favorite song to sing on the album, and sometimes I just crank it and wail away. "Whistle While You Wait" has such a good message of not giving up or losing yourself on your road to success. The heartbreak in "Early is as Early Does" is so real and yet never overwhelming. And "Anchorage" makes my heart sing.
Look, I'm not a music critic. I'm not qualified to go on about the complexity of the melody, and I have no idea about the technical side of music making. All I know is this: if you want to listen to some damn fine music by an amazingly talented and fearless woman, you need to check out the albums above as well as her debut album Vanilla, her most recent release, Live in Europe, and just everything else on her Bandcamp page. And next time she's in Philly, anyone want to go with me?
I'm going to go back to grinning and hyperventilating now.
12 February 2013
Body Acceptance-A Few Thoughts
After reading an article posted to Facebook by my dear friend, about allowing yourself to be captured on film as you really look right now, I was looking around the internet for the most flattering poses for big girls. However, I am growing ever more disturbed, as all of the tips for photographers and subjects alike seems to be "hide the fat." i.e., stand behind people, hold a bag in front of your midsection, don't take full body shots.
I realize that some people are not confident enough to embrace themselves as they are-fat/skinny, tall/short, masculine/feminine-whether or not they are working towards something else. But to actively advocate the hiding of one's self is harmful. I'm big. Do I love me anyway? Most of the time. Do I wish I was smaller? Sometimes. Everyone has things about themselves they don't like and wish they could magically erase.
But here's the thing I think people forget: Usually, pictures *of* you are not *for* you. They are so others can remember you. And anyone who knows you, knows what you look like, all the time, when you are not posing for a picture. And guess what? They love you anyway. If, god forbid, something happens, do you really want to leave your loved ones with no mementos, no record that you were HERE?
I guess what it boils down to is this: if you are living, laughing and loving with wild abandon; if you let down the walls and are JUST YOU; if you stop worrying about your arms or your tummy and focus on your heart and your smile, it will still be you, and you will still be loved. Let your beauty shine from the inside out, and allow yourself to be loved and admired as you are right now. Because, chances are, you're pretty awesome.
I realize that some people are not confident enough to embrace themselves as they are-fat/skinny, tall/short, masculine/feminine-whether or not they are working towards something else. But to actively advocate the hiding of one's self is harmful. I'm big. Do I love me anyway? Most of the time. Do I wish I was smaller? Sometimes. Everyone has things about themselves they don't like and wish they could magically erase.
But here's the thing I think people forget: Usually, pictures *of* you are not *for* you. They are so others can remember you. And anyone who knows you, knows what you look like, all the time, when you are not posing for a picture. And guess what? They love you anyway. If, god forbid, something happens, do you really want to leave your loved ones with no mementos, no record that you were HERE?
I guess what it boils down to is this: if you are living, laughing and loving with wild abandon; if you let down the walls and are JUST YOU; if you stop worrying about your arms or your tummy and focus on your heart and your smile, it will still be you, and you will still be loved. Let your beauty shine from the inside out, and allow yourself to be loved and admired as you are right now. Because, chances are, you're pretty awesome.
11 February 2013
DIY Another Day: Dream Catcher Valentine
I am a fairly recent Pinterest addict. It is...ridiculously inspiring, but also soul eating. I often spend hours of my day pouring through the DIY/crafts section, and occasionally finding something that makes me go "I must stop right this minute and go clean my tub/scrub my grout/make a cute thing!"
On one of my recent binges, I came across the idea of cutting out letters from cardboard and wrapping them in yarn to make cute, custom signage. I mostly saw this used for names and such, but I got this inkling that it was seriously only scraping the surface of the potential for the technique.
It was in this mindset that my eyes fell on a paper plate that I had pulled out to block a beret I made for a friend, and set aside when I discovered it was WAY too small for the job. I picked up my scissors and started cutting. I first cut the circle out of the center, then cut a heart shaped hole in the middle of that.
I took some scrap red yarn from the beret project and wrapped it around a clothes pin to use as a sort of bobbin, cut a small slit in the bottom of the heart to anchor the knot and started in. The point of the heart was a bit tricky to navigate, so I ended up wrapping both sides bottom-up.
That's it! You could attach it to a background, like scrapbook paper, or frame it. I apologize for the quality of picture, but all I had was my phone. And you know those people who could take a picture of a person picking their nose and make it look like high art? I am not one of them.
I was really pleased as punch at how this turned out. (Yes, I occasionally talk like a septuagenarian.)
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. <3
On one of my recent binges, I came across the idea of cutting out letters from cardboard and wrapping them in yarn to make cute, custom signage. I mostly saw this used for names and such, but I got this inkling that it was seriously only scraping the surface of the potential for the technique.
It was in this mindset that my eyes fell on a paper plate that I had pulled out to block a beret I made for a friend, and set aside when I discovered it was WAY too small for the job. I picked up my scissors and started cutting. I first cut the circle out of the center, then cut a heart shaped hole in the middle of that.
I took some scrap red yarn from the beret project and wrapped it around a clothes pin to use as a sort of bobbin, cut a small slit in the bottom of the heart to anchor the knot and started in. The point of the heart was a bit tricky to navigate, so I ended up wrapping both sides bottom-up.
Once I got to the point at the top, I wrapped very carefully, then pulled both ends through the same 4 or 5 loops in opposite directions, tying tightly to keep those stitches in line.
Then, I threaded a tapestry needle with a bit of pink yarn, sewing under 6 slightly unevenly spaced stitches around the edge of the heart, and continued wrapping the yarn around each bit of the circle until I reached the center. You know, like you do when you're making a dream catcher. Then I tied it off and turned it over.
Finally I cut small pieces out of what was left of the plate, grabbed my markers and scrawled out a cute message, one word per piece, and affixed them to the web. You should use glue. I admit to using tape, because I couldn't find my glue, lol.
That's it! You could attach it to a background, like scrapbook paper, or frame it. I apologize for the quality of picture, but all I had was my phone. And you know those people who could take a picture of a person picking their nose and make it look like high art? I am not one of them.
I was really pleased as punch at how this turned out. (Yes, I occasionally talk like a septuagenarian.)
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. <3
29 December 2012
Nerdy Knits: Baby Corset
I'm finally getting around to posting more of that outfit I made for my sweet niece, V.
I hear she was the hit of the steampunk wedding. I made the dress, too, but that was just adjusting some seams on a 2T snap side turtleneck, and making poof sleeves out of the excess fabric. I then used a bit of lace to create a bustle, and a small rosette for the neck, tacked down with a scrolly silver button. The meat of this was the corset.
It took me about a day to complete, beginning to end, and I really enjoyed the challenge. I improvised the whole thing, and, luck for you, wrote it down as I was going. It ended up being about a 9-12 month size, but with the lacing, that's kind of flexible.
As before, If you find an issue, please tell me so that I may correct it. The "boning" is created by simple striping, and the slanted "boning" utilizes short rows to maintain a rectangular shape. I used size 4 needles, but you can size up or down for fit.
co14 mc
k 3 rows
k1 [yo k2tog] 6 times k1
k 5 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 4 rows
k11, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k2, turn and k back
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 1 row
k2, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k11, turn and k back
k 8 rows
k11, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k2, turn and k back
k 1 row
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k2, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k11, turn and k back
k 4 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 5 rows
k1 [yo k2tog] 6 times k1
k 3 rows
Bind off
k 3 rows
k1 [yo k2tog] 6 times k1
k 5 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 4 rows
k11, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k2, turn and k back
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 1 row
k2, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k11, turn and k back
k 8 rows
k11, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k2, turn and k back
k 1 row
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k2, turn and k back
k5, turn and k back
k8, turn and k back
k11, turn and k back
k 4 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 8 rows
switch to cc
k 2 rows
switch to mc
k 5 rows
k1 [yo k2tog] 6 times k1
k 3 rows
Bind off
I then picked up all of the stitches on the bottom, and knit a simple ruffle, though, alas, I didn't document it. This part is optional anyway.
Weave in all ends, lace up with a complimentary color of cording or ribbon. Enjoy your elegant infant!
(My sister-out-law with her beautiful baby)Two Milestones!
First, I'd like to welcome my one and only follower, Mrs H, who has an awesome blog I can't wait to read more of. Hello, you!
Second, holy crap on a crap stick, this blog has more than 2000 page views! How did that happen? Fairly certain it has to do with my Potter Alphabet, and you guys. I am SO GLAD you all seem to love it so.
It's been a hectic and germ full few months here, but I promise more updates soon. Just wanted to say I love you guys, and you ROCK.
Second, holy crap on a crap stick, this blog has more than 2000 page views! How did that happen? Fairly certain it has to do with my Potter Alphabet, and you guys. I am SO GLAD you all seem to love it so.
It's been a hectic and germ full few months here, but I promise more updates soon. Just wanted to say I love you guys, and you ROCK.
30 September 2012
Cook ALL the Pumpkin: Raviolis and Pie
Aaaaaaannnnnnddd...not from Better Homes and Gardens. Oh well. :)
The hubs and I decided tonight around 10pm that we NEEDED fresh pumpkin raviolis. Like REQUIRED. Then we decided we didn't want to wait until 2am to eat. So we compromised, and I found this recipe: Creamy Pumpkin Penne, but we wanted raviolis, so I just pulled a bag of cheese ones from the freezer. It called for fresh sage and pecans which we didn't have on hand, so I omitted those, as well as subbing in real milk for the non-dairy stuff. I whipped it up in less time than it took the raviolis to cook. It was nice. However, I was so tired and hungry that I spaced on picture taking until I was half done eating.
That's just a little whipped cream up on top, cream sugar vanilla, nothing special.
The pie was pretty good. Made with fresh instead of canned has a very different texture and a subtly different flavor, but not in a bad way. However, his recipe doesn't call for cinnamon which it could have used. Also, the gingersnap crust sounds like a perfect substitute for graham cracker in this dish, especially if you aren't a big fan of traditional crust (I'm not). 4 out of 5 stars, though neither rating is REALLY fair as I cut corners in both.
There's my pumpkin stuff for today. What will I do tomorrow? I'm not sure, but it will have to go with ribs!
The hubs and I decided tonight around 10pm that we NEEDED fresh pumpkin raviolis. Like REQUIRED. Then we decided we didn't want to wait until 2am to eat. So we compromised, and I found this recipe: Creamy Pumpkin Penne, but we wanted raviolis, so I just pulled a bag of cheese ones from the freezer. It called for fresh sage and pecans which we didn't have on hand, so I omitted those, as well as subbing in real milk for the non-dairy stuff. I whipped it up in less time than it took the raviolis to cook. It was nice. However, I was so tired and hungry that I spaced on picture taking until I was half done eating.
Still looks tasty, though, doesn't it? The recipe says to toss the cold sauce with the hot pasta, but that didn't seem like it would work all that well, so I gently warmed it in a saucepan first. Serve with parmesan, and VOILA!
The hubs cut his half with regular old tomato sauce, but I ate it as-is. I assure you, both ways are very good. ("Wasn't bad," says the hubs.) Probably give it 4.5 out of 5 stars. The called for sage might have been a nice addition, but I can't see the pecans being much help.
Next is :Alton Brown's Pumpkin Pie. In tonight's grand tradition of cutting corners, I didn't make the crust. However it made a few of these custardy beauties.
Which each serve two.
The pie was pretty good. Made with fresh instead of canned has a very different texture and a subtly different flavor, but not in a bad way. However, his recipe doesn't call for cinnamon which it could have used. Also, the gingersnap crust sounds like a perfect substitute for graham cracker in this dish, especially if you aren't a big fan of traditional crust (I'm not). 4 out of 5 stars, though neither rating is REALLY fair as I cut corners in both.
There's my pumpkin stuff for today. What will I do tomorrow? I'm not sure, but it will have to go with ribs!
28 September 2012
Cook ALL the Pumpkin!
We have purchased a 30# plus pumpkin recently from a wonderful pick your own place near us. (www.freconfarms.com) I spent HOURS the next day cutting this thing up, then boiling it down and mashing it. I now have over a gallon of pumpkiny goodness to cook NOW or else. SO in the course of trolling the internets, I have found a source of recipes- Better Homes and Gardens. I have many to try, and will be linking the pages. I will post pictures, and opinions, both mine and friends and family. They run the gammut from sweet to savory, soups and stews and desserts and breakfasts...it all sounds good, and the hubs is slavering for them, the pumpkin fiend. So...expect an update a day until I use it all up.
Here goes nothing (but pumpkin).
21 September 2012
Nerdy Knits: Doctor Who Fob Watch
So. Recently I made a steampunk outfit for my adorable niece Vi to wear to a theme wedding. It was fun and easy to make, and holy crap is she cute in it. I mean, vomit inducing cute. Pictures to follow as soon as I have them, I promise.
Her father is possibly a bigger Whovian than I am, so when I got the idea to add a pocket watch to her costume, I knew which one it had to be. The Doctor's watch. The Fob. Since the idea made me giggle, I figured the finished project would be fairly epic. It was also an insanely quick knit, finished in one evening. I simplified the map of space time to be easier to embroider with something as bulky as yarn.
DISCLAIMER: Only I have knit this and only once. If there are mistakes, let me know and I will happily fix them. This is my very first written pattern, so be gentle.
Materials used: Caron Simply Soft in heather and black, the back of a plastic grocery bag, cut to size
Gauge and needles: About 4st/inch. I used size 3, use whatever you need, or size up or down for desired size.
Abbreviations used: co-cast on; st-stitches; k-knit; p-purl; k1fb-increase by knitting into the front and back of one stitch; k2tog-knit two together. Got it? Good, moving on.
The pattern:
For both the back piece and the watch cover start here-
Using the longtail method, co 5st
Row 1: knit
2:k1, k1fb, p1, k1fb, k1
3:knit
4:k1, k1fb, p3, k1fb, k1
5:knit
6:k1, k1fb, p5, k1fb, k1
7:knit
8:k1, k1fb, p7, k1fb, k1
9:knit
10:k1, k1fb, p9, k1fb, k1
11:knit
12:k2, p11, k2
13:knit
14:k2, p11, k2
15:knit
16:k1, k2tog, p9, k2tog, k1
17:knit
18:k1, k2tog, p7, k2tog, k1
19:knit
20:k1, k2tog, p5, k2tog, k1
21:knit
22:k1, k2tog, p3, k2tog, k1
23:knit
24:k1, k2tog, p1, k2tog, k1
25:knit
(Bind off here for cover, keep knitting for back)
26:k1, s1, k2tog, psso, k1
27:knit
28:purl
29:knit
30:k1, k1fb, k1
31:knit
32:k1, k2fb, k1
33:knit
34:k1, k2tog twice, k1
35:k2tog twice
2 stich icord 2 inches or so
k2fb
4 stich icord 4 inches or so (to fit the baby's hand)
k2tog twice
k2tog
trim yarn, pull through final loop
double over the 4 stitch icord, sew down end
See diagram for picture to embroider w/contrast color
Sew two pieces together w/cc, stuffing with plastic bag, adding rattle if desired.
For more Who goodness, check out my new Doctor Who font!
Her father is possibly a bigger Whovian than I am, so when I got the idea to add a pocket watch to her costume, I knew which one it had to be. The Doctor's watch. The Fob. Since the idea made me giggle, I figured the finished project would be fairly epic. It was also an insanely quick knit, finished in one evening. I simplified the map of space time to be easier to embroider with something as bulky as yarn.
Materials used: Caron Simply Soft in heather and black, the back of a plastic grocery bag, cut to size
Gauge and needles: About 4st/inch. I used size 3, use whatever you need, or size up or down for desired size.
Abbreviations used: co-cast on; st-stitches; k-knit; p-purl; k1fb-increase by knitting into the front and back of one stitch; k2tog-knit two together. Got it? Good, moving on.
The pattern:
For both the back piece and the watch cover start here-
Using the longtail method, co 5st
Row 1: knit
2:k1, k1fb, p1, k1fb, k1
3:knit
4:k1, k1fb, p3, k1fb, k1
5:knit
6:k1, k1fb, p5, k1fb, k1
7:knit
8:k1, k1fb, p7, k1fb, k1
9:knit
10:k1, k1fb, p9, k1fb, k1
11:knit
12:k2, p11, k2
13:knit
14:k2, p11, k2
15:knit
16:k1, k2tog, p9, k2tog, k1
17:knit
18:k1, k2tog, p7, k2tog, k1
19:knit
20:k1, k2tog, p5, k2tog, k1
21:knit
22:k1, k2tog, p3, k2tog, k1
23:knit
24:k1, k2tog, p1, k2tog, k1
25:knit
(Bind off here for cover, keep knitting for back)
26:k1, s1, k2tog, psso, k1
27:knit
28:purl
29:knit
30:k1, k1fb, k1
31:knit
32:k1, k2fb, k1
33:knit
34:k1, k2tog twice, k1
35:k2tog twice
2 stich icord 2 inches or so
k2fb
4 stich icord 4 inches or so (to fit the baby's hand)
k2tog twice
k2tog
trim yarn, pull through final loop
double over the 4 stitch icord, sew down end
See diagram for picture to embroider w/contrast color
For more Who goodness, check out my new Doctor Who font!
06 September 2012
From My High School Journals: Jesuse The Masseuse
Jesuse the Masseuse
Owns a pet moose.
He sits on his own,
drinking his juice.
He reads of Spain's truce
in a good Dr. Seuss.
His goose worships Zeus
with a big branch of spruce.
When he plays cards (with Bruce)
wild is the deuce.
Jesuse the Masseuse's
goose is out loose.
So he puts on a noose.
(He's pseudo suicidal)
[All spelling and punctuation faithfully recreated from my journal]
Owns a pet moose.
He sits on his own,
drinking his juice.
He reads of Spain's truce
in a good Dr. Seuss.
His goose worships Zeus
with a big branch of spruce.
When he plays cards (with Bruce)
wild is the deuce.
Jesuse the Masseuse's
goose is out loose.
So he puts on a noose.
(He's pseudo suicidal)
[All spelling and punctuation faithfully recreated from my journal]
19 August 2012
OmNomNom: Scotch Eggs
You know what I love about scotch eggs? (Besides their ease, simplicity, convenience and delicious flavor?) Even hard boiled eggs this ugly:
End up this pretty:
And it's way, way, ridiculously simple.
We own a Butterball electric turkey fryer. If you've ever wanted to try frying a turkey, but were scared of oil fires, this is the unit to buy. Really. Every so often, we like to fry up something other than a turkey though. And when it's out, I do many things, because it's just easier that way. Tonight, I made a deep fried chicken, with sweet potato fries, and I experimented with frying some brussels sprouts (I broiled the rest, as usual). While it was out, I made these breakfast balls of awesome, too.
First, you need the boiled eggs. I use this recipe by Alton Brown, Because Alton Brown is amazing (I don't care if you disagree). But any method works.
Then, you need loose sausage. You can be lame and use a roll from the grocery store, but we like the good stuff from the farmer's market, which we season simply with salt, pepper, and paprika. You can use anything you want, really: sage, oregano, garlic, whatever you like.
Finally, you need breadcrumbs. Seasoned or not, your choice, style doesn't matter. I like the crunch of panko.
Now take a small ball of sausage, and sort of make a dip in it.
Then, place the egg in the middle and try to ease the sausage around it in a more or less even layer.
Roll it around in the bread crumbs until coated.
Repeat until sausage is gone, or you run out of eggs. I ran out of sausage first.
Drop them in your briskly rolling oil (I heat my machine to 375 Fahrenheit).
Fry for about 5 min or so.
They should look like this:
If the sausage has pulled away from the egg in places? Oh well!
Let cool for a bit, then tuck in! They're great the next day, too. Reheat in the toaster oven, or eat cold.
OmNomNom.
And it's way, way, ridiculously simple.
We own a Butterball electric turkey fryer. If you've ever wanted to try frying a turkey, but were scared of oil fires, this is the unit to buy. Really. Every so often, we like to fry up something other than a turkey though. And when it's out, I do many things, because it's just easier that way. Tonight, I made a deep fried chicken, with sweet potato fries, and I experimented with frying some brussels sprouts (I broiled the rest, as usual). While it was out, I made these breakfast balls of awesome, too.
First, you need the boiled eggs. I use this recipe by Alton Brown, Because Alton Brown is amazing (I don't care if you disagree). But any method works.
Finally, you need breadcrumbs. Seasoned or not, your choice, style doesn't matter. I like the crunch of panko.
Now take a small ball of sausage, and sort of make a dip in it.
Roll it around in the bread crumbs until coated.
Drop them in your briskly rolling oil (I heat my machine to 375 Fahrenheit).
Fry for about 5 min or so.
They should look like this:
Let cool for a bit, then tuck in! They're great the next day, too. Reheat in the toaster oven, or eat cold.
08 July 2012
Nerdy Knits: Potter Alphabet for Knitting
I have been knitting some Hogwarts inspired items lately, and wanted to incorporate lettering. I looked high and low, but, to my astonishment, I couldn't find anyone who had charted the lettering for my knitting use. Therefore, I have spent the last couple of days hunched over my laptop, recreating, as faithfully as possible, the iconic Potter font in knit chart form. I know my fellow crafty fans will make great use of it, so I wanted to freely give it to you.
With a few exceptions (M, W, etc...) I have tried to block them in a simple 15x15 grid. This might make smaller items impossible, but you can't get a whole lot smaller without losing too much detail. If there is demand, I can post individual letters, but the resolution will be the same. I hope you guys enjoy using these!
Update:
I have also posted a chart for a Twilight inspired font for the Twi-hards, and a Doctor Who font for you Whovians.
With a few exceptions (M, W, etc...) I have tried to block them in a simple 15x15 grid. This might make smaller items impossible, but you can't get a whole lot smaller without losing too much detail. If there is demand, I can post individual letters, but the resolution will be the same. I hope you guys enjoy using these!
Update:
I have also posted a chart for a Twilight inspired font for the Twi-hards, and a Doctor Who font for you Whovians.
31 May 2012
DDP Says "Own Your Life"
I have a confession to make. I have no idea how to be an adult. I am rapidly closing in on 30, I want to have kids, I have a house and a hubby, but I am still a gigantic child. I never take responsibility for my actions, I procrastinate, I'm stubborn and irrational, and I refuse to take care of the basics of living. Now along comes DDP with his yoga and his philosophies, promising me better health if I just commit to it and "own my life."
What does that even mean? How do I do that? I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want. How can I own a question mark? I've never taken care of myself because I have never had to. I've had people take care of me, pander to me, and support my every terrible decision. I'm basically an immature mess.
This blog is the only thing I have going for me. The idea that people are watching what I do, and maybe taking some sort of inspiration from it, is about the only thing that is keeping me on any semblance of a path. Every hit I see added to my page stats tells me that someone is reading, and makes me feel like maybe I can help. Because they say that if you want to really learn something, you should teach it. I guess that's what this blog is to me.
If my ramblings about life and self-esteem and healing have even the chance of giving someone else hope, I will keep plowing forward. Maybe in the end, owning your life isn't about knowing where it's headed, or really even just making things happen. Maybe it's about owning the mistakes and the setbacks, the hesitations and doubts, the faults and the flaws. Because these things ARE me.
I have a favorite quote: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." (Lao Tzu) I have to own the past, and not let it become my future. I have to know what I am holding onto, so that I can let it go. This is my life, this is it, all of me. I am what I have done, and what I will do. But that is up to me. There is no one else who is going to come to the rescue. My life is mine to make of it what I will. Is that what it means to own it?
What does that even mean? How do I do that? I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want. How can I own a question mark? I've never taken care of myself because I have never had to. I've had people take care of me, pander to me, and support my every terrible decision. I'm basically an immature mess.
This blog is the only thing I have going for me. The idea that people are watching what I do, and maybe taking some sort of inspiration from it, is about the only thing that is keeping me on any semblance of a path. Every hit I see added to my page stats tells me that someone is reading, and makes me feel like maybe I can help. Because they say that if you want to really learn something, you should teach it. I guess that's what this blog is to me.
If my ramblings about life and self-esteem and healing have even the chance of giving someone else hope, I will keep plowing forward. Maybe in the end, owning your life isn't about knowing where it's headed, or really even just making things happen. Maybe it's about owning the mistakes and the setbacks, the hesitations and doubts, the faults and the flaws. Because these things ARE me.
I have a favorite quote: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." (Lao Tzu) I have to own the past, and not let it become my future. I have to know what I am holding onto, so that I can let it go. This is my life, this is it, all of me. I am what I have done, and what I will do. But that is up to me. There is no one else who is going to come to the rescue. My life is mine to make of it what I will. Is that what it means to own it?
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