26 January 2009

Day 15: Two Week Weigh-In

I am NOT happy. At all. Since the start of this diet, I have actually GAINED a pound. I am beyond annoyed at myself. I'd been avoiding it all this time, but I think I need to start a food journal. It's just too easy to let it all get away from me otherwise.

Too annoyed to type. Grrr.

22 January 2009

Day 11: Reaffirmation

I'm firmly entrenched in week two of my diet and my size 28 pants won't stay up without a belt anymore. :) I'm sitting at a computer in my college as I type, a lunch of garden salad with grilled chicken and fat free dressing at my side.

One of my classmates, who, for her privacy I will call J, has offered up her help in reaching my goal. That means a lot because J has lost a lot of weight herself, having undergone bariatric surgery. She's willing to help in anyway she can. "Even nagging," which is EXACTLY what I need!

To my 3 followers so far: Welcome and my many, many thanks. You have no idea what it means to me that there are other people out there committed to seeing me succeed. Please, please comment, let me know what you are thinking, and get on my case if you have to! If I could do this without help, I'd be there already.

I'm feeling good. I bought a pair of dancing shoes to match the ones my niece wears, so we can really groove together, lol.

Ew. I just loled in a blog. Anyway.

With my weigh-in just days around the corner, I don't think I will have lost nearly the amount of pounds I had planned on. In hindsight, it was probably an unrealistic goal, not to mention an unhealthy one, as I'm not under the supervision of a doctor. (I should be, and you should be, too, if you're trying to lose.)

I'm feeling good again. Back in school and around people, I feel my spirits lifting. With good spirits comes renewed determination. As my favorite drill instructor (from Celebrity Fit Club) would say, I'm in the firefight.


19 January 2009

Day 8: Self-Discipline is HARD

I'm doing okay with the diet portion, but the exercise is not so easy to come by. It's cold outside, and I don't wanna walk! I go up and down stairs as much as I can, but I still feel like I should be doing more. Blah.

Maybe I'll update later today. Maybe not.

16 January 2009

Day 5: Good News

Not an official weigh-in or any thing, but. Night before last I stepped on the scale and I had already lost a pound. I know, I know, could have been water-weight but I'll take the victory.

I would have posted this yesterday, but I spent all day reading Breaking Dawn, and all night arguing with Steve about how I spent my day. LOL.

14 January 2009

Day 3: Doubts and Insecurity

Oh my god. I found one of my old classmates on MySpace the other day, and she accepted my friend request today. That means I finally get to see her profile.

She's a model. Runway-walking, pictures in a magazine model. She's even more beautiful than she was in high school, and she was stunning then. She's got all of these amazing professional pictures up on the internet, and she looks flawless in everyone. What do I have on the internet? My flab.

I feel so stupid for posting those pictures yesterday. I don't want to look at my gut, why would anyone else? And what if I fail? My failure is REALLY out there for the whole world. I have failed so many times before. I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life as a fat loser.

I want to have fun! I want to be proud of my pictures- all of them, not just the ones from the shoulders up! I want to stand up next to beautiful people and feel like I'm not the pity friend.

I felt like the pity friend all through high school, you know? I was the fattest kid in my grade. Sure, I was friends with a bunch of cheerleaders and most of the football team, but why? Were they laughing at me behind my back? Or, worse, did they feel sorry for me?

I never want to feel that way again. EVER. I thought that once I was out of high school, I wouldn't have to, but this past semester.... It's college people. We're supposed to be past the childishness of teasing people, especially behind their back.

I'm sick of it! SICK TO DEATH! I want to be someone who wants to meet new people, not someone who has to wonder "why are they staring at me?"

I can't fail this time. This HAS to work.

12 January 2009

Day 1: Weigh-in and Goals

EW! So I the title of my blog says I weigh 310, which would be bad enough. But I just weighed in and I'm actually 311. I wear a size 28. My knees creak, I have high blood pressure, and PCOS. I have insulin resistance with a family history of diabetes.

My name is Mandy. I am turning 25 this month. I have 0 chance of enjoying the rest of my 20's if the weight doesn't come off NOW. So yeah.

I decided to start this blog for two reasons:

1. To motivate me. I need to do this. I need to be accountable to someone, even if it is only the phantom of the possibility of people reading this.

2. To motivate others. I hope, as I write this that I am successful enough to serve as inspiration for others. So if you're reading, comment! I want to know what you think, what you feel, what your goals are!

So my goal for my next weigh-in, January 26th (the day before my birthday!) is a loss of 10 pounds, putting me at 301.

My goal for the end of my college semester, May 15th (I have to double-check that!) is a loss of 50 pounds, putting me at 261.

My long term goal, slightly adjusted for today's one pound disappointment, is a loss of 151 pounds, putting me at 160.

How am I to do that? Lots of veggies. Good fruits. Lean protein. Leafy greens.

For exercise, I will be walking 1 hour every day. I will also throw in other programs IN ADDITION, if time permits.

I will keep you posted.

Wish me luck!

Oh! And tomorrow: Before pictures! Gross!!