Frustrations, Jubilations and (Personal) Renovations

I haven't been running in over a month. This summer has been REALLY hot, and I'm still trying to find a treadmill that can accommodate over 300 pounds. I also need real running shoes. I haven't been getting enough exercise at all, but the Bowflex is finally up and running! I'm starting a weight training routine Tuesday. Also, I'm supposed to help a friend who needs to GAIN weight (for heath reasons!-The only reason you should ever care what your weight is!) so that should be interesting.

My self-esteem (the point of this whole blog) was recently given a boost when I hosted a dinner party last weekend. I cooked and served a three-course meal without burning down the house or poisoning anyone. I was very proud.

However, it took me three days just to get the kitchen any semblance of tidy again. Not because it was so messy, but because I was too lazy to do it. That got me thinking. We obsess so much over the unimportant physical stuff that is difficult, if not impossible to change (too fat, too short, etc.). What about the inner stuff? I have a list of character flaws ranging from minor (whininess) to major (I can be REALLY mean for no good reason) with a whole lot in the middle (too lazy to do dishes). That is the stuff to focus on. Who we are is not what we look like. It is what we DO.

So this week's assignment is to identify ONE character flaw that has nothing to do with physicality and name a course of action to change it. So, "I don't exercise enough" doesn't count, but "I park in the handicapped spot when there is nothing wrong with me" definitely does. For example.

My flaw is laziness. Specifically, I spend WAY too much time on the internet and not enough doing the simple tasks set before me (mostly by myself!) each day. It is a downer on the self-esteem, and it is putting a strain on my relationship. My course of action is to not boot up my computer or open a book until my chores are done. It is a simple change that should really only delay my relaxation by a couple of hours a day.

So what is holding you back from reaching your potential, and what do you plan to do about it?

The Heat...

... is holding me hostage. There have been heat advisories these past couple of days, cautioning even experienced runners to stay indoors. I'm looking for an elliptical or treadmill so I can train indoors on the hot (or cold) days when going out isn't practical. Yesterday, istead of running, I went to the mall, and did a little mall walking, but it just wasn't enough to really get my heart rate up. I may go swimming tomorrow, if it doesn't rain again.

I really hate stuff like this, ya know? I'm all determined, and then something breaks my rhythm. I'm jumping right back in as soon as I can, but who knows when that will be? I may start running at night. It's well lit here, and if I go out before 10, relatively safe. I don't relish the thought of running in the dark, but what else can I do? I'm not a morning person, and I will die if I run in 90+ heat. My mom practically begged me not to go out yesterday.

And that's another thing. I know people are just concerned, but holy crap! I'm not an idiot. I weigh in at over 300#, am in *abysmal* shape, and am very new to running. I'm not going to push my self too hard, go to fast, ignore pain or severe shortness of breath, or run in an oven. Seriously. I have medical training, I'm working with a friend who has fitness training, and am following a reasonable plan I have *still* toned down. You people (and you know who you are) can stop worrying. I may be silly, but I am not suicidal.

Anyhoo. I dunno. I guess I need to figure out my alternatives better....

EDIT: I almost forgot to post my progress from Monday! I went running with my friends Mark and Tori. I made it 4 out of 8 intervals, and I *didn't even want to die* at the end. I was sweating like a pig but really invigorated and happy with my progress. Next time I run, I will try for 5 intervals. :D

C25K, W0D1

Good GOD. I am SO out of shape. Thursday, I decided to do a test run of Week 1 Day 1 (W1D1) of the Couch to 5K program. Now, keep in mind, this a a program designed SPECIFICALLY for lazy couch potatoes. W1D1 consists of a five minute warm up, followed by 8 intervals of run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds, finished with a cool down.

I couldn't even do 3 intervals. Then, I walked home and died for 3 hours. Two days later, I am still sore.

My resolve is strong though. I'm calling it Week 0 until I can run all of the intervals. And I WILL run all of the intervals. I'm calling it the "Coma to 5K." :) I have a few running buddies lined up. It'll be fun. I WILL finish the program.

And they have other programs, too. 5K to 10K, 10K to half marathon, and half marathon to marathon. I want to be running a marathon by my 28th birthday. And I will cry as I cross the finish line.

Because this body? This is a body my doctors have told me will never allow me to have children. A body I am told is trying to kill me. But this is a body that, if worked with, nurtured and trained, will allow me to accomplish anything. Even running a marathon.

And when that day arrives, I will rejoice in all that my body is capable of, how far I have come and how very much it means to my health and my quality of life. I don't care if I'm never not fat, because, hey, I love me. I just want to keep up with my kids WHEN I have them.

Couch to 5k

I've lately been looking for a short term fitness goal to get me moving. Yeah, sure, lose weight and get/stay healthy is good for the long run, but what gets me the quick reward that keeps me keepin' on to the long run?

The short run. Specifically a 5k run (about 3 miles). My dear friend Jess L. mentioned on her Facebook that she wanted to try a 5k since everyone else was talking about it. So a friend of *hers* suggested the Couch to 5k program. Basically, it is a simple, 9 week training program, designed to get you from completely sedentary (like me at the moment- my idea of a workout is bringing clean laundry from the basement to the second floor) to 5k ready. LINK!

I hope that Jess takes up the challenge with me, as it was her idea. I think she will. Who knows? Maybe I'll turn into someone who loves running. The site says you just might, if you follow their program properly and don't overdo it.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll also turn into someone who updates my blog more often than once a season. ;)

Finding good in everything

God damn, but I am cute. And I mean really cute.

Sure I have my flaws (God, just check out earlier posts *shudder*). But along with the big tummy and lumpy thighs is an amazing set of eyes and nearly perfect lips. I have well shaped calves, pretty ankles, huge tits. I am ADOREABLE.

No this isn't me just being arrogant, nor has it been easy to get to this place. I still rely way too heavily on the input of others to build up my sense of worth, and all it takes is the wrong look from the right person to send me spiralling. But I get up. I see what is good in me. And to Hell with anyone who can't.

It is somewhat more difficult, I know, if you don't have the amazing love and support I get from my family. But if your mom can't see how amazing you are, to Hell with her. If your dad calls you fat, to Hell with him. If your boyfriend or your girlfriend makes you feel like you are anything less than a beautiful person inside and out, you don't need them.

All you need is you, and an ability to see past your flaws to what makes you perfect. In closing I will share one of my favorite pictures I've ever seen.

She is beautiful. So are you. Hugs to all.