Finding good in everything

God damn, but I am cute. And I mean really cute.

Sure I have my flaws (God, just check out earlier posts *shudder*). But along with the big tummy and lumpy thighs is an amazing set of eyes and nearly perfect lips. I have well shaped calves, pretty ankles, huge tits. I am ADOREABLE.

No this isn't me just being arrogant, nor has it been easy to get to this place. I still rely way too heavily on the input of others to build up my sense of worth, and all it takes is the wrong look from the right person to send me spiralling. But I get up. I see what is good in me. And to Hell with anyone who can't.

It is somewhat more difficult, I know, if you don't have the amazing love and support I get from my family. But if your mom can't see how amazing you are, to Hell with her. If your dad calls you fat, to Hell with him. If your boyfriend or your girlfriend makes you feel like you are anything less than a beautiful person inside and out, you don't need them.

All you need is you, and an ability to see past your flaws to what makes you perfect. In closing I will share one of my favorite pictures I've ever seen.

She is beautiful. So are you. Hugs to all.

No more day tags

I have lost all ability to tag by the day. This semester has been insane. Chemistry, Biology, Psychology and English. :P On top of that, my aunt passed away just after Thanksgiving, and my brother was arrested. So, yeah, very little time to think, let alone blog.

I just wanted to log on and tell anyone who finds this: YOU ARE AMAZING. The fact that you wake up every morning and get up and live our life is nothing short of a miracle. Some of you have to go to work that you hate, some of you have to deal with too many kids and not enough help, you may have chronic physical pain, or you may have lived through intense mental pain. You may have a great life, or you may have a partner who makes your life harder than it has to be. But if you woke up today, you've been given a new chance!

You are capable of amazing beauty. Caring for your children, partner, parents, friends.... Reaching out to help a stranger.... Volunteering with animals at the shelter.... Picking up some litter.... When you stop to make someone else's day beautiful, it adds to your own sense of worth. I challenge any of you who are having a bad day to get out of your own head and make someone else's day. Then look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are capable of touching another life in a positive way, and that you are beautiful and worthy of love and acceptance.

You are all beautiful. <3 <3 <3

Day 6: Big Girls, You Are Beautiful!

I just wanted to share a video that i adore, that I found when Googling the phrase "big girls are beautiful." The song is by Mika, a British singer who is fabulous. If you get a chance, listen to some of his other stuff. I recommend "Grace Kelly," which is about trying to get people to accept you for who you are, "Relax, Take it Easy," which, near as I can tell, is about devotion and the need to mellow in a relationship, and "Lollipop," which is just fun.

So follow the link to "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) by Mika.


And remember, no matter who you are, how much you weigh, or what you look like, there is beauty in all of us. Maybe you have a particularly great smile, or kind eyes, an amazing rack (yeah, I said it. Flaunt it girl!). Maybe you have the best hair in the world, or curves that would flip an SUV. Whatever it is, find it, and love it. If you can find even ONE thing about you that is beautiful, you will start learning to see the beauty in the rest of yourself.

This goes for the guys, too.

*MUAH*

Attempt 2, Day 1: I Need This

Steve and I are both at all time high weights. Mine is sitting at about 323, last I checked. My pants are tight again. So I decided to redo the overall theme of this site, to give myself a fresh start.

This time, the focus will not be so much on losing weight, but just making healthy changes in my life, both physical and mental. I will not beat myself up for missing a day of exercise or messing up in my eating. My goals will be more concrete (no more candy or snack cakes) and less abstract (eat less junk), and less weight-loss oriented (lose 150 lbs) and more health oriented (get off my BP meds).

Also included will be tips and tidbits on ways I'm learning to love myself JUST AS I AM. It's so much easier to form healthy habits when you view yourself as someone worthy of love and nurturing. Hating yourself is just a road to self-punishment, i.e. binging until you want to puke.

I want to love me. I'm tired of waiting for other people to convince me I'm worthy of love. Damn it, I AM worthy of love. And I'm going to learn to love me, lumps and all. I want to see the beautiful woman that I keep being told I am.

Let's all rebel against the perfectionist culture that puts beauty in such a small box. we can't all be 5'11'' size 2 blondes with big racks and no hips. Ew. Most of us would look AWFUL like that. Plus how boring would that be? Let's celebrate the beauty of our diversity, and the diversity of beauty!

I'm going to start giving assignments.
This assignment:
Tell me one amazing thing your body can do, right now in the shape it's in now.
Thank you for reading, dear friends.

Day 68: Pain Receeding

If I take my medicine properly, I feel completely normal. If I forget, or just don't, it gets bad, but much less than it was. I'm doing my PT exercises intermittently, but they really do help. I've noted an odd upper body strength discrepancy between my left and right sides. I realized it was from carrying my bookbag with my right hand exclusively. The difference in my side ab muscles was probably contributory to my injury, so I'm now switching hands.
I've recently purchased a Kripalu Yoga DVD, and have organized an impromptu group to watch and participate during lunches on Tuesday and Thursday. I'm afraid to weigh in right now however, as a combination of lethargy, pain and depression has made me very sedentary and hungry.

Yuck. However. Back on track tomorrow.