Day 6: Big Girls, You Are Beautiful!

I just wanted to share a video that i adore, that I found when Googling the phrase "big girls are beautiful." The song is by Mika, a British singer who is fabulous. If you get a chance, listen to some of his other stuff. I recommend "Grace Kelly," which is about trying to get people to accept you for who you are, "Relax, Take it Easy," which, near as I can tell, is about devotion and the need to mellow in a relationship, and "Lollipop," which is just fun.

So follow the link to "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) by Mika.


And remember, no matter who you are, how much you weigh, or what you look like, there is beauty in all of us. Maybe you have a particularly great smile, or kind eyes, an amazing rack (yeah, I said it. Flaunt it girl!). Maybe you have the best hair in the world, or curves that would flip an SUV. Whatever it is, find it, and love it. If you can find even ONE thing about you that is beautiful, you will start learning to see the beauty in the rest of yourself.

This goes for the guys, too.

*MUAH*

Attempt 2, Day 1: I Need This

Steve and I are both at all time high weights. Mine is sitting at about 323, last I checked. My pants are tight again. So I decided to redo the overall theme of this site, to give myself a fresh start.

This time, the focus will not be so much on losing weight, but just making healthy changes in my life, both physical and mental. I will not beat myself up for missing a day of exercise or messing up in my eating. My goals will be more concrete (no more candy or snack cakes) and less abstract (eat less junk), and less weight-loss oriented (lose 150 lbs) and more health oriented (get off my BP meds).

Also included will be tips and tidbits on ways I'm learning to love myself JUST AS I AM. It's so much easier to form healthy habits when you view yourself as someone worthy of love and nurturing. Hating yourself is just a road to self-punishment, i.e. binging until you want to puke.

I want to love me. I'm tired of waiting for other people to convince me I'm worthy of love. Damn it, I AM worthy of love. And I'm going to learn to love me, lumps and all. I want to see the beautiful woman that I keep being told I am.

Let's all rebel against the perfectionist culture that puts beauty in such a small box. we can't all be 5'11'' size 2 blondes with big racks and no hips. Ew. Most of us would look AWFUL like that. Plus how boring would that be? Let's celebrate the beauty of our diversity, and the diversity of beauty!

I'm going to start giving assignments.
This assignment:
Tell me one amazing thing your body can do, right now in the shape it's in now.
Thank you for reading, dear friends.

Day 68: Pain Receeding

If I take my medicine properly, I feel completely normal. If I forget, or just don't, it gets bad, but much less than it was. I'm doing my PT exercises intermittently, but they really do help. I've noted an odd upper body strength discrepancy between my left and right sides. I realized it was from carrying my bookbag with my right hand exclusively. The difference in my side ab muscles was probably contributory to my injury, so I'm now switching hands.
I've recently purchased a Kripalu Yoga DVD, and have organized an impromptu group to watch and participate during lunches on Tuesday and Thursday. I'm afraid to weigh in right now however, as a combination of lethargy, pain and depression has made me very sedentary and hungry.

Yuck. However. Back on track tomorrow.

Day 34: A Pain in the Butt

Literally:
The sciatica I spoke of (briefly) in my last post is a pain that starts in my butt, and runs down the length of my left leg. For over a week, I was unable to even move my left leg forward to walk when I first woke up in the morning. I went to the Clinic in Phoenixville to see Dr. Romeo. (Yes, that is his real name, but think the difference between a rodeo, and Rodeo Drive.) He did a couple of quick tests and told me, thankfully, the pain is caused by a muscle spasm, and NOT a herniated disc. He put me on a high dose anti-inflammatory, and referred me to the physical therapist. My first PT appointment is next Friday.

Figuratively:
It SUCKS not being able to move much. I'm doing better, but I can't even pick up my niece without pain, and dancing with her is right out. To have such a major setback so early on is frustrating like you would NOT BELIEVE. Walking is a chore. The most I can handle is getting to classes, and for my basic needs at home. I've attempted shopping twice, both times ended in agony.

My diet has suffered, too. I knew it would- I'm an emotional eater. I'm pissed off and sulky=I eat crap. I'm trying but between the almost constant availability for desserts and junk, and my inability to say no to them when I'm in a funk... I haven't even stepped on a scale lately. I'm too embarrassed.

But, there is a glimmer of hope at the end of this crushing tunnel- physical therapy. I get to talk to some one about the SAFE way to exercise. Also, I'm not going to let something temporary sabotage me permanently this time. Once I have the go ahead to work out, I'm going to pick myself up and GO. I can't afford to waste time waiting for "inspiration" to strike again.

I'm going to be healthy. It's not an option or a dream. It's simply the truth.

Day 26: Set Backs

I have been officially diagnosed with sciatica. I can't exercise, I can barely move. Things are...not going so well.

I'll updated when the bed-resty-sequesterness is over.